Autosarcophagy Fig. 5: Ham Heaven

Ham Heaven, in Ferndale. Out of business, now. But boy, did the pigs ever love being slaughtered and eaten at  Ham Heaven.

Common American Prototypes Series 1

I had posted the Repiglican previously, but the Wolfublican and the dude from the SheeParty are new…

Incidentally,

…the Bay of Pigs invasion failed primarily because the C.I.A. ran out of  Ham Grenades, right?

There ain’t no Monsanto Claus

We should Round-Up Monsanto, and plant something fruitful in their spot.

They’ve known for years and years that their poisons cause birth defects, and they’ve concealed it.

It kind of makes you wonder what disgusting secrets they have about the bovine growth hormone they produce. It kind of makes you wonder what pernicious things lurk in the genetically engineered seeds they produce (90% of the genetically engineered seeds in the U.S.!).

I suppose we should just be grateful they’ve stopped making DDT and Agent Orange, unless that’s really what they’re selling in those Nutrasweet packages.

 

 

 

Autosarcophagy Fig.5: the Shmoo

…I do realize that true autosarcophagy requires that you eat yourself, and I’ve wantonly expanded the category in these threads to include simple vorarephilia, but I’m really speaking to a theme, a theme of enthusiastic, fetishistic self-sacrifice.

When the Repiglicans look at you, they see a Shmoo in training.

Fukushima. I won’t get tired of the subject for tens of thousands of years

Thanks to Al-Jazeera for a refreshing breath of hot-particle laden air

It’s a disgrace the way the industry has taken over this story in the U.S. media, but truth is a rapidly dwindling resource in our country, isn’t it?

If we were going to be grownups about nuclear power, the least we’d do is insist that nuclear power companies have a solid 50,000 year plan plan for dealing with all the waste generated. That would be one thing.  I mean, personally I find it hard to plan beyond next Tuesday, and that’s why I never build nuclear plants myself.

I think reasonable adults would also mandate that in the case of any industrial disaster the CEO’s and upper management of the responsible company should be the first people on the front line of cleanup work, with mops & shovels, or whatever. That would be nice, wouldn’t it? Because if anyone deserves hot particles of caesium-137 or oil-and-Corexit fumes or lungfuls of methyl isocyanate, it would be them. That’s why I don’t build nuclear plants, or drill for oil in deep waters, or manufacture pesticides myself; because I’m a grownup. Grownups really should clean up after themselves, and it’s a shame when they don’t.

But we haven’t been grownups, and we haven’t been like children, who 1. are cute and 2. know enough to be frightened of  monsters beyond what they understand.  We’ve been like early-hormonal teenagers about this latest industrial atrocity, this wholesale poisoning of the world we all have to share. Like sleepy, frazzled 14-year-old kids, easily satiated with a surfeit of cheeze doodles, short-wired after a three-day video massacre binge, we’re uninterested in events that don’t immediately impact us,  anxious only for novelty whether real, filtered or completely fabricated.

Oblivious on the couch as the industry grinds on, with less oversight, and more lies, spewing their remarkably biotoxic poisons so they can sell us more energy.

Fracking provides delicious diesel fuel in your drinking water

The extraction of oil or natural gas through hydraulic fracturing, in which millions of gallons of otherwise useful water are mixed with biotoxic poisons like tuolene, benzene, formaldehyde, hydrochloric acid, and lots of others, and ferociously pumped into deep, bursting fissures that can extend for a mile all in any direction around the drilling point, is a just a super-terrific way to despoil the environment!

Not only are corporate individuals(tm) making record profits producing  a product that accelerates global warming, not only do they create millions of delightful gallons of poisonous wastewater at each site in the process, not only do they fill the actual drilling sites with marvelous unextractable poisons injected deep into the earth, but if you’re lucky, those poisons will also seep into the groundwater, and soon local homeowners and businesses can have poison on tap.

It’s one more fantastic technology for facilitating the extinction of the despicable lifeforms currently infesting the planet. Kudos to the tentacled methane-breathing inventor! Somebody should buy that guy a glass of formaldehyde.

EDIT: I should make it clear,that for the sake of the pure, noble goal of continued corporate profits, my only concern is that those corporate individuals(tm) that are   responsible for destroying the planet make sure they’ve done the deep market research to verify that a sufficiently funded tentacled methane-breathing client base truly exists to thrive in this new weird arid-radioactive-poisoned-goo-&-corpse-covered world that we’re currently terrorforming.

Because in my experience, a lot of those radioactive, tentacled, methane-breathing, corpse-eating, poison-gargling dudes are kind of shifty with their finances.

The Great Lakes contain as much as 20% of the fresh water in the world- and 90% of the fresh water in the United States. There currently are two sites where they’re already fracking in Michigan.

Recommended reading:

Michigan Messenger: Fracking Series

Don’t Frack Michigan

Fukushima spurs potential job growth among senior citizens

 A team of pensioners are trying to assist with the continuing disaster in the Fukushima Nuclear Wasteland  .

I trust that corporations worldwide are taking note;  if you’ve gotten yourself in a fix by making a horrifying, monstrous biotoxic environmental catastrophe- and who doesn’t do that occasionally?- you can mitigate future payouts for long-term complications by utilizing people who don’t have a long term.

It’s a bold new opportunity! I  can imagine teams of geezers- Doom Squads- who can totter or wheel themselves into those  mortiferous arenas where younger workers might otherwise wastefully be poisoned prematurely,  reducing their potential for future contributions to corporate profits.

At the very least, the concept offers significant hope to the elderly in this country as well, as our kleptocratic Government rationalizes the elimination and/or privatization of the “entitlements” of Social Security and Medicare.

It’s not glamorous, but not everybody’s going to be able to be the Greeter at WalMart.

Highlights of Final Draft of Remarkably Repiglican 2012 Michigan Corporate Coup

The Repiglican Budget:

K12 schools lose $300 per student next year, on top of the $170 per student they were already scheduled to lose. Some public schools could get back $100 per student if they can fit some agenda-driven criteria, such as attempting to outsource noneducational services (1), making their teachers & other employees pay for health benefits(2), and transfering health insurance policy holdership to school district control(3).

Public Universities lose 15% of their budget, & Community Colleges lose 4%.

Universities have to report all stem cell research to the state. Universities are prohibited from providing benefits to unmarried domestic partners.

Welfare children lose an $80 per year clothing allowance.

People with disabilities lose $69 per month, of the $269 they currently get.

Prisons lose 3.5% of their budget- nutraloaf, anyone?- & are required to bid out their food and prisoner stores(1).

State Police lose 1.6% of their budget.

Cities & Townships lose $100 million in discretionary aid, & the remaining $200 million is  tied to their adopting agenda-driven policies (1 &2).

Additional Repiglican Taxes:

All people born after 1952 are now taxed on annual income generated by their pensions & retirement accounts:  the state hopes your 401k is performing well.

People born after 1946 who make more than 20,000/$40,000 married are now taxed on pension & retirement account income.

People who make more than $50,000 per year lose the Homestead Property Tax Credit.

People whose home has more than $135,000 in taxable value (270,000 sale price) lose the Homestead Property Tax Credit.

People who make more than $40,000 per year lose part of the Homestead Property Tax Credit.

The poorest families in Michigan lose two thirds of the Earned Income Tax Credit. Nearly 800,000 families receive this credit currently- they get an average of $436 per year. Well, they used to.

People on welfare will lose benefits after 48 months.

Here’s The Big Win:

“Businesses” win tax cuts of one point seven billion dollars.  And, just for an extra twist of the knife, when they have layoffs despite their payoffs,  they’ll pay unemployment for six weeks less than they used to have to, thanks to Snyder.

Recall Snyder Website

(1) instead of contracting through, for instance, union employees

(2) instead of job-inclusive health benefits

(3) instead of having the policyholder be, for instance, a teacher’s union

P.S. Yes, the new  Emergency Manager Legislation  also sucks.

Autosarcophagy Fig. 3: Piggleyland

Cover art for Piggleyland. Pen & Ink, Photoshop color, lens flare to irritate Greg.