Trumpets: Collect ’em ALL. fig 6: Steven Terner Mnuchin

Steven Mnuchin

 

Trumpets: Collect ’em ALL. fig 5: Elisabeth DeVos

Betsy DeVos testifies before the Senate Health, Education and Labor Committee confirmation hearing

Betsy DeVos testifies before the Senate Health, Education and Labor Committee confirmation hearing to be next Secretary of Education on Capitol Hill in Washington, U.S., January 17, 2017. original photo via REUTERS/Yuri Gripas – 

 

Trumpets: Collect ’em ALL. fig 4: Stephen Kevin Bannon

Donald Trump

I Hate You, New York Times

I mean, thanks. As the source for balanced, thoughtful liberal journalism, today’s Sunday Front Page is truly exemplary: Offering thoughtful balance to the current Administration’s draconian, family-crushing, murderous doctrine (spuriously focused on Muslims, because TERRISTS, when everyone knows that all the successful terrorists are white U.S. guys), in a week when tens of thousands of people have had their hopes crushed by our country’s broken promise of freedom, the New York Times prints a one million word bullshit terror-scare article on the front page. Beautiful!

the stupid front stupid page of the stupid nyt.jpg

“Not Lone Wolves After All”!!!! “How Isis Guides World’s Terrorist Plots From Afar”!!!!!!!!!!!!! This brilliant article details several tedious, largely unsuccessful, dubiously connected, extremely tiny plots to try to kill like several people maybe, except it mostly didn’t work out. In many cases, the alleged  “terrorists” were given advice- ON THE INTERNET!!!! Sometimes encrypted digitally!!!!!!! by persons identified as “ISIS, ” which led to their almost accomplishing something.

Dude, the President drone-bombed an 8-year old American girl and a bunch of other civilians, and killed some Navy Seal at the same time. What’s in the the Times? I shit you not, a 14″ x 10″ picture of a ditch where some guy allegedly left a plastic bag full of chemicals which two doofuses failed to make into a bomb.

This is where nothing happened.jpg In a week when tens of thousands of Muslims’ lives have been thrown into turmoil by the cruel and ill-intentioned whims of our bigot-in-chief, what purpose does this article serve? Is this utterly transparent, hamhanded right-wing propaganda, or are they just, finally, finally stupid at the New York Times? This crap should warrant a paragraph on page 14.

Seriously, besides the guys who couldn’t make a bomb, descriptions of teeny plots:

*where a man was supposed to attack a bar with a machete, but didn’t?
*where 2 guys were directed BY THE INTERNET to 2 rusted pistols in a plastic bag hanging from a tree, with which they accomplished nothing
* and a couple different guys who accidentally blow themselves up instead of other people
*and a guy who shot himself in the leg

There are a couple of actual successful homicides detailed as well; to be clear, neither the level of violence described, nor the level of HI-TECH INTERNET INTRIGUE  warrants news coverage in our epoch of horrific conspiracy and carnage.

Sometimes it’s like the NYT forgets that in this utterly fake “War on Terror”, the U.S. has killed more than a million people: we’ve spent trillions of dollars . We’ve met the Terrorist, and he is us. These penny-ante plots aren’t worth ink.

I hate you New York Times.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Trumpets: Collect ’em ALL. fig 3: Edward Scott Pruitt

trumpetpruitt

Trumpets: Collect ’em ALL. fig.2: Rex Wayne Tillerson

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Trumpets: Collect ’em ALL. fig.1: Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III

Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Chuck Grassley Meets With Attorney General Nominee Jeff Sessions

“Oh Beauregard! Come here, Boy!”

Jefferson B.S.3, from Alabama, has an impressively loathsome record of legislation . But wjhy bother listening to me about him, when you can hear what Corretta Scott King said about him the last time someone attempted to appoint this cracker: Read PDF below.

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The Residence of George Burns & Gracie Allen for No Good Reason

Found a postcard. Look at that palatial mansion! Boy, these celebrities sure live high on the hog. They’ve got an attached garage!!!!!

In Beverly Hills, CA, in what? 1960? Burns and Allen are gone now, bless them, but I bet, like, those Kardashians or Kanye West lives in this place now.

burns-and-allen

I Hate to Say I Told You So

Scientists create human-pig embryos . It  would appear that the new administration, comfortable & secure with their incoming reign of horror, is finally allowing the sheet to be lifted on the secret anthropophagic plans that I exposed seven years ago, during the despotic rule of the second Bush, in my roman à clef Piggleyland. 

Now discounted because you should also know about the Nazi Clown Phenomenon, Mexican Viagra & Personal Hams

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Moist Towelette Album Cover #8: Victoria Bay

Disastrous 8th album release of Moist Towelette, featuring MT’s electronic bagpipe drone-dirge anthem “Victoria Bay,” reputed to be 39.5 minutes long, although no listener can be found willing to sit through and verify the full duration.

Also featured on this album were the lesser-known, less excruciating but just-as-unpopular songs:

“Saturated”
“Reorder Number One-Seven-Eight-Oh-Four-Oh”
“Quality Products”
“Mildy Fragrant (That’s My Mildred)”
“For Everyday Needs”
“Office, Recreational, Travel, Camping & Home Use (AKA O-R-T-C & H use!)”
“Like a Folded Napkin”
“Made in Totawa, New Jersey”

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moist-towelette-8back

Moist Towelette Album Cover # 7: “Freshette”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #6: “Fresh Nap”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #5: “IF YOUR HANDS ARE CLEAN”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #4: “Royal Fingerbowl”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #3: “American Towelette”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #2: “Oo o”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #1: The eponymous album

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