Monthly Archives: December 2011

R.I.P. Cheetah

Cheetah,  that is, the “Cheetah” known to some of his friends as Cheetah-Mike, a chimpanzee whose brilliant portrayal of a monkey in several Tarzan Movies with Johnny Weismuller in the early 1930’s,  has died, at the age of 80 years or something like that.

The presumed cause of death was kidney failure. He liked to fingerpaint, and could hit you with his poop from 30 feet if he had something against you.

Advertisements

PETROLEUM JELLY DONUT!

Another fine inexpensive foodlike ingestible hunger solution from the good folks at Phoodco

P.S. This site soon to be leading the image search queries for “Petroleum Jelly Donut!”

Leftover Cement Sculpture

Blob of lumpy cement, brick shard nose, semiprecious stone pupils,  acrylic paint and sprinkles

NEW POEM: Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter

When you despair ’cause you can’t get much fatter:
Here’s Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.
You’ll hear complaints of the spleen and the bladder
From Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.
Though your intestines will be left in tatters
by Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter,
Climb to the top of the corporate ladder
With Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter!
And little old ladies will nitter and natter
‘Bout Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter,
Winsome young maidens will blush when they’re flattered
By Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.
‎”Hamlet” is sad. Do you know what’s sadder?
Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.
Cleopatra was slain, but not by an adder-
‘Twas Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.
Grandfather’s ashes were blended & scattered
With Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.
The cold wind doth blow, and dry bones do clatter
O’er Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.
You’re loony! you’re crazy! you’re mad as a hatter
From Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter!
Your hackles are rising, your teeth start to chatter-
It’s Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.
The mirrors of consciousness all will be shattered
By Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.
Your aspirations and dreams do not matter
To Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.
The evidence, coldly displayed on a platter:
Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter.

Disclaimer: Nitro von Borax is in no way affiliated with “Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter, ” except that he has a plastic bucket that used to hold the product, which he occasionally wears as a hat. The above poem is funny.


Black Santa

Fimo, neglected old punk rock earrings

The Robo Enforcer

Wooden boxes, kitchen implements, Altoids cans.

Robot Shelf: for Comic Books

*He’s got an old glass telephone pole insulator on top, and his eyes are promotional glasses for Frangelico, shaped like ice cubes. His head lights up.

Pulp Paperback: The Avenger- the Iron Skull

The Avenger was like Doc Savage’s depressed, spooky little brother.

Art by the inimitable George Gross.

Pulp Paperback: Doc Savage

Doc Savage has always been one of my prime personal character archetypes.
Scientist,Detective, Humanitarian, Adventurer, his every sense and physical attribute honed & toned relentlessly to the awesomest level.
Plus, totally mutant widow’s peak hairline.

Art by the inimitable James Bama.

%d bloggers like this: