My Doctor Sucks

My Doctor Sucks.
So I called my Doctor, and said, is Celebrex right for me?
He said, what?
I said, well, I was watching TV, and apparently if you take Celebrex, you can dance better or something.
He asked if I had tried taking aspirin.
I said, why would I take aspirin?
He said, what hurts?
I said nothing hurts, what are you talking about? Are you saying aspirin’s right for me?
He said, look, I don’t understand? What’s the matter with you?
I said OK, whatever. Is Zoloft right for me?
He said, what?
I said, because it sure cheered up some kind of little doodle thing.
He asked if I’d been depressed or something.
I said, well, I’m not REALLY HAPPY ALL THE TIME.
He implied that maybe that wasn’t a realistic goal.
I said, so it’s not right for me?
I said, well, is Cialis right for me?
He said, look, I’m really pretty busy. Do you want to make an appointment to talk about sexual dysfunction?
I said, don’t get snippy with me, man. What about Phentermine? Is Phentermine right for me? Or Propecia? Is Propecia right for me?
He said, do you want to lose weight? Are you going bald?
I said, why are you being so insulting? What kind of a doctor are you? Is Paxil right for me? How about Zyrtec? Is Zyrtec right for me? I saw some guy running through a field on Zyrtec, and it looked like fun.
The line abruptly went dead.

I still don’t know what’s right for me.

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About nitrovonborax

The Mighty Arthammer of von Borax strikes the Anvil of Universal Consciousness, forging Iconic Singularities of Metaphor. Nitro von Borax is widely recognized as the natural heir to the crumbling facade of an empire that Thomas Kinkade built with massmarket hack-retouched cottagey papscapes, which glow as though lit by pernicious chip-grease fires within and trigger pleasurable dissociative transport to the plebian viewer. Mr. von Borax, known to his discerning, sophisticated & politically progressive fans as "The Painter of Sprinkly Sparkles," pulls inspiration from Betty & Veronica BOTH, stolen travel brochures & comic books, Martin Denny & Italian Giallo Movies to visualize and manifest pure unfettered awesomeness for your astral excursions. His portfolio resonates at a frequency only bats can hear.

Posted on January 16, 2013, in Poems and Literary Peccadillos and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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