Disappointing & Creepy: a Poem

Selections from online reviews for the hotel I was booked into for my last Business Convention in Dallas.

Disappointing and creepy
…it is somewhat out of Dallas and on the tollroad
Gangsters hanging out in the parking lot shaking guests down for cash
Confusing entrance
Old lobby, worn carpets, musty odor throughout
The lobby would be grand if it wasn’t filled with cancer stick sucking seminar dwellers
Lots of people who look like they just got out of a medical sales convention
Hotel seems to cater mostly to conventions
Mary Kay convention caused way too much noise
The entire weekend they were leasing out half the hotel to those get rich quick seminars so if you wanted to use the elevator at the top of any hour you would be sharing it with 30 other people
Elevators- old and dirty and looks like spots on the floor
Escalator that is NEVER working on the left side
Staff not very friendly
Staff was not helpful
Staff was not that friendly or helpful
Hotel staff is dishonest and stealing
Valet was slow and at times unavailable
Manager on duty was not very helpful
Halls smelled of smoke
The room itself had some bizarre features
There was a problem with our room; someone was still in it
Room was warm, and smelly upon opening the door
Carpets filthy
Carpet and flooring old and dirty
The furniture which held the 1950’s style TV
Had cubby holes for decor which had 3 misplaced items in them
So-called easy chair was very narrow
I can’t imagine many American derrieres fitting comfortably into it
Table/desk was so tall that my chin was roughly level with the top when sitting at it
A/C did not work in room.
Hot and A/C would not cool room
The A/C sounded of a beating bass drum all night
Bed was sad
Bed had bed bugs
Beds were lumpy
Both mattresses had lumps and obvious sunken spots
Worn in the middle so you sank into a hole at bed time
There was an old dark stain on the side of the bottom sheet
Sheets were so stiff that they made noise when you moved
Old, ugly, used and possibly never washed bedspread that I was afraid to get close to
Bad pillows
Was not able to sleep due to construction taking place on the floor above us
Yelling in the halls outside of our room by 7:00am on Saturday
Housekeeping knocks on your room unexpectedly during the early hours
Alarm clock was from 1975, at best
Paint in the bathroom was peeling off of the ceiling and there were exposed nails in the walls
Bathroom had hair on the floor and in the tub
Dirty
Tub would not drain
Towels were raggy and had string hanging off the edges
Toilets would not flush
Tub & lavatory would not drain
Smell of sewage coming through the bathroom sink
The food was another issue
Cleanliness of restaurant was an issue
Restaurant was not clean
What was described on the menu was not what appeared on your plate
It took a full 15 minutes and 4 calls to learn what was on the fruit plate – no one knew
Food mediocre to bad
Food was bad
Food is like a week old and they don’t care about the quality of their coffee either
Bartender was absent a lot
Amenities were very limited
Pool area needs updating
The pool was small and had no service outside
Hot tub was cold
Used the hot tub and there was raw fiberglass which got in our skin and left us itchy for days
The room, pool, overall facility was old and run down
It probably was a very nice hotel 15 years ago, but not now
It appears that it was a good hotel in the early 1980s but has not been updated since
A very old and dilapidated hotel which even smells old
Entire place was very old and run down in appearance
This place was just creepy and old
Old!
Cell phone got stolen from my hotel room
Jewelry disappeared
Did not receive a paper in the morning
Don’t go for a romantic 29th wedding anniversary
I would have been much happier dwelling for the night under the bridge overpass a half a block away
Hotel would not take responsibility

Was only offered a cheap breakfast to compensate for this

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About nitrovonborax

The Mighty Arthammer of von Borax strikes the Anvil of Universal Consciousness, forging Iconic Singularities of Metaphor. Nitro von Borax is widely recognized as the natural heir to the crumbling facade of an empire that Thomas Kinkade built with massmarket hack-retouched cottagey papscapes, which glow as though lit by pernicious chip-grease fires within and trigger pleasurable dissociative transport to the plebian viewer. Mr. von Borax, known to his discerning, sophisticated & politically progressive fans as "The Painter of Sprinkly Sparkles," pulls inspiration from Betty & Veronica BOTH, stolen travel brochures & comic books, Martin Denny & Italian Giallo Movies to visualize and manifest pure unfettered awesomeness for your astral excursions. His portfolio resonates at a frequency only bats can hear.

Posted on November 29, 2014, in Poems and Literary Peccadillos. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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