My Mistake

O, sad was I
To realize my mistake
Shortly after I fell into that churning vat of linguini dough
At the factory
And I was called before that great dark being
And brought to see that
To my eternal shame
On Tuesdays
I should have been burning incense
Made of purest platypus dung
And sitting in a bowl of earthworms
Consecrated by a dwarf with neckrings
And a bald head anointed with holy mustard
Whistling the sacred waltz
Rotating my thumbs counterclockwise
But I was a fool-
And now I’m damned to be cast into the wading pool of woe,
And suffer the torment of the six knitting needles
And two hot parsnips
Beset upon by hairy swimming spiders the size of hats
Hearken ye now unto my regrets lest you too suffer my fate:
If only I’d partaken of mentholated massage oils!
If only I’d been blessed by a man that lies with poodles!
If only I’d had one eyebrow and the opposite side of my moustache shaved off!
If only I had not eaten of the forbidden Cornish hen with also forbidden stuffing!
If only I’d wept salty tears upon a newborn owl!
And barked my shins intentionally on a low table
And made an irritating whining sound
When alone in the bathtub
But I was a fool
And am now naught but pain and parsnips
I entreat you,
If you have any pity
Pluck a nostril hair for me,
Or ignite a small vole
In prayer

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About nitrovonborax

The Mighty Arthammer of von Borax strikes the Anvil of Universal Consciousness, forging Iconic Singularities of Metaphor. Nitro von Borax is widely recognized as the natural heir to the crumbling facade of an empire that Thomas Kinkade built with massmarket hack-retouched cottagey papscapes, which glow as though lit by pernicious chip-grease fires within and trigger pleasurable dissociative transport to the plebian viewer. Mr. von Borax, known to his discerning, sophisticated & politically progressive fans as "The Painter of Sprinkly Sparkles," pulls inspiration from Betty & Veronica BOTH, stolen travel brochures & comic books, Martin Denny & Italian Giallo Movies to visualize and manifest pure unfettered awesomeness for your astral excursions. His portfolio resonates at a frequency only bats can hear.

Posted on December 14, 2014, in Poems and Literary Peccadillos and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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