Monthly Archives: August 2015
Adam bought one from an internet shoppe
Janet bought two from a friend who was a cop
Bryce bought a fancy one because he was a fop
The second amendment’s awesome!
Mel bought one, should have known better
Julie has one in her angora sweater
Abbie bought one ’cause her mom wouldn’t let her
And none of them were gonna play possum
Joey bought four, and Joey’s a wreck
Jane had one through the chain around her neck
Chad’s misplaced his- what the heck?
Another one was easy to procure
Frankie bought his for self defense
Suzie got hers and felt less tense
Bob had three, though he had no sense
So everyone was perfectly secure
Jenny got hers from the Bill of Rights
Sam bought his to protect the whites
Lois bought hers out of spite
It seems a little heavy when it’s lead
Harry got his for some flag that waves
Naomi bought one for the home of the brave
Jenny had nine ’cause her ex was depraved
And I’m hoping that we’re safer when we’re dead
Cindy bought one, simpler than a knife
Phil’s was acquired to diminish his strife
Don got one as a present from his wife
And we all have an awful lot of fun
Ernest gave himself one with two barrels
Pauline bought one, no more perils
All of us can buy ’em in the land of the feral:
Bullets on the cheap
From a coward with a gun
Man, that’s livin’.
Art by the amazing Earle Bergey. This came out in 1951, the year before he died, and pulp and magazine covers were worse ever after. He gets so much redneck into this picture: A corncob pipe, a tin cup, a little brown jug, a plaid shirt, suspenders and overalls both, a harmonica… and then why is the disaffected & oblivious cheerful Greek Goddess cavorting with those dudes?
They say there’s a man who sees demons
Diabolically hidden & scheming,
Disguised from the eyes
Of us average guys
Who only see nightmares when dreaming
They say that he sees through disguises
Of subterfuge and compromises
He looks at his plate,
Does not hesitate,
But denounces the stuff he despises
I see monsters
Hiding in the corner of the room
I see imposters:
In that daisy lurks disastrous doom
I see through you:
You aren’t the nice thing you pretend to be
I see into you
And what’s inside is horrible to see…
They applauded this man with affection
For his brave and incisive perceptions
As a result
They started a cult
And submitted themselves for inspection
They say that he screamed when he eyed them,
And proceeded to curse and revile them
As monsters inside. “He’s crazy!” they cried,
And took him post-haste to asylum
- Do they really issue all sailors striped shirts? I have always wondered that.
- Q. Why doesn’t someone refill his glass? A. Because the bottle’s empty, too.
- Q. Do people really sit with hand in pocket? A. Not unless there’s something sneaky in the pocket.
- I like the color diagonal in this composition.Red, Blue, Yellow. Hot, Cool, Caution!
These pages are illustrations from Dale Messick’s 1943 novelization of her groundbreaking comic strip, Brenda Starr, Girl Reporter. Which is, evidently, not a reporter focused on issues of female childhood, but in fact a reporter who happens to be a woman, go figure.
Except when she’s Pesky.