In Which I am Disturbed by Billboards for a Local Hotel

webers 1

#1: Disturbed by Weber’s Billboard 94 Eastbound near Zeeb or thereabouts.
“Meat With Friends?” I find that creepily, unwholesomely provocative.
What are they implying, with their big naked slab of prime rib? Creeps me out.

webers 2

#2: Disturbed by Weber’s Billboard 94 Westbound near Belleville road or thereabouts.
“This Time You Deserve It.” Is that a threat or a come-on?
And what’s with the businessman leaning back in the chair and grinning, seen only from the waist up? Is that his knee OR SOMEBODY’S HEAD

webers 3

#3: Disturbed by Weber’s Billboard 94 Westbound near Jackson road or thereabouts.
“Time to Go Sleek.” What the HELL does that mean?
From the smirky, modely teenager portraited, I can only infer that you check in, Mousse your hair elaborately, and then something horrible happens
On this Billboard, Weber’s is jarringly referred to as a “Boutique Hotel,” all of a sudden, and I’m not buying it- Since when? is there some kind of certification for that? Is it only “Boutique” if you’re willing to  “Go Sleek” there? What the hell ?

webers4

#4: Disturbed by Weber’s Billboard 23 Southbound near Guidobono Concrete or thereabouts.
In a way, I find this the most disturbing OF ALL, because of the anthropomorphism. Lobsters do NOT have thumbs. And when I look at a lobster claw, I don’t want to think, mmmm, that thumb would be tasty with butter and lemon. It diminishes the experience for me.
I’m unhappy about chicken fingers too, but I’ve made peace with it. Lobster thumbs is TAKING IT TOO FAR

 

Advertisements

About nitrovonborax

The Mighty Arthammer of von Borax strikes the Anvil of Universal Consciousness, forging Iconic Singularities of Metaphor. Nitro von Borax is widely recognized as the natural heir to the crumbling facade of an empire that Thomas Kinkade built with massmarket hack-retouched cottagey papscapes, which glow as though lit by pernicious chip-grease fires within and trigger pleasurable dissociative transport to the plebian viewer. Mr. von Borax, known to his discerning, sophisticated & politically progressive fans as "The Painter of Sprinkly Sparkles," pulls inspiration from Betty & Veronica BOTH, stolen travel brochures & comic books, Martin Denny & Italian Giallo Movies to visualize and manifest pure unfettered awesomeness for your astral excursions. His portfolio resonates at a frequency only bats can hear.

Posted on July 6, 2016, in The Sometimes Too Graphic Art of Nitro von Borax, Useless Observations and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: