Monthly Archives: December 2016

Wednesday Art Pirate Metaphor: Death on a Pale Horse

death-on-a-pale-horse

“Death on a Pale Horse” (1796) by Benjamin West

The naked dude in the center represents me, defending my wallet against bills.

Monday Art Pirate Metaphor: Watson and the Shark

What inestimable value is there in modern digital photography. Walking through the fabulous Detroit Institute of Arts with a camera and bringing the paintings home feels like a SERIOUS TRANSGRESSION, but it’s not, I think- particularly the when the artist kicked it about 201 years ago, and I’m not making postcards, anyway. I’m just lookin’. And posting on my website for your edification…

Here’s the magic of the internet, whether artists and their lampreys like it or not: If you can absorb it with your eyes or ears, it’s been rendered effectually free. It’s only when you get the other senses involved that you still have to pony up some cash. Like, when you buy one of my books, listed over to the right, before I’ve been dead for 201 years already, you actually get real Borax to TOUCH, keep on your bookshelf, give to your enemies or burn to make a point. Hungry? You can actually TASTE my books, you could maybe even eat them,  it probably won’t kill you. And the heady SCENT of supporting a truly independent artist wafts enticingly from every page.

I offer you a metaphor: The dude in the water represents Nitro von Borax, the shark represents total financial disaster, the guys in the boat represent you, the harpoon is like 20 bucks or something for cripes sake

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Watson and the Shark: John Singleton Copley.

Pulchritudinous Borax Coloring Book

You’re probably saying to yourself, Jeez, that American Observations Coloring Book is a little harsh. Where is beauty? Where is truth? WHY CAN’T YOU LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, VON BORAX???

OK fine, have THE PULCHRITUDINOUS BORAX COLORING BOOK, and I quote: “Coloring fun ensues when iconic archetypes of feminine pulchritude offer some solace to the fevered brain of tortured artist and noted debauchee Nitro von Borax. These black & white images, stolen by ninja archivists from the secret compartment of a credenza at Castle Borax, are a humble homage to the women that raised Nitro von Borax: Emma Peel, Dejah Thoris & Dian the Beautiful, Red Sonja, Modesty Blaise, Brenda Starr, Betty & Veronica, and, of course, Sheena, Queen of the Jungle.”

Please buy nine.

A mere smattering of representative images is below:

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The Monster Squad

To be clear, the President-Elect is not assembling a cabinet; it’s more like a team of supervillains.  Morons, toadies, gluttons, sociopaths, thieves and ravagers. Destroyers, cynically poised in the positions where they’ll do the most harm. Traitors to civilization. Betrayers of humanity. Loathesome, crawling things that stink of decay. Welcome to the Plutocracy, unfettered at last.

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I’d like to think we’re better than this, but significant evidence points to the contrary. It’s past time to quit pretending we don’t live in a house possessed of evil spirits, with a basement full of hungry zombies.  This country is lousy with monsters, and we have to light up the pitchforks, load the silver bullets and sharpen the stakes.

In the meantime, let’s listen to W.B. Yeats for a minute:

The Second Coming
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

…but then, I am given to hyperbole.

I do understand that the depicted supervillains aren’t the actual eventual Injustice League that the Ordinary-Fathead-in-Command will assemble. Politics and the nomination and approval process will demand that he switch out Bizarro for Ernst Stavro Blofeld, Cruella DeVil for  for Leatherface. But look: all of them are intended not to fill offices but dismantle them. It’s a wrecking crew.

It’s a clear message to the desperate, disenfranchised, sometimes despicable and mostly really stupid U.S. voters that chose to vote for Repiglicans, of all things: A message that those Repiglicans embrace the decline of the last 40 years, where  moderate social progressiveness had to be traded for a fiscally disempowered and diseducated populace, and now privatization of public property and institutions accelerates, although demonstrably ruinous and ineffective, and third-world wage slavery, unregulated surveillance, and endless war against imaginary opponents are the new normal, where personality makes policy opaque, where you’re in for-profit jail and your grandma has to stock produce at the Walmart until she drops dead at 87 and your kids look delicious to the decadent gilded pigs in their golden tanks.

But then, I am given to hyperbole

NEW COLORING BOOK for that New World Odor: Amerikan Observations by Nitro von Borax

Here’s just a few of the Stunning Archetypical Horrors you can color with your very own crayons- in Amerikan Observations, my new coloring book. Order early! Order often!

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Amerikan Observations: A prurient keyhole view of life in our plutocratic dystopia provides opportunities for carefree Coloring Fun: Please, please add color to Amerika. Illustrations by Nitro von Borax, from way deep down in the Black Box. Monsters! Naughty Pony! Satan! Atrocity! Obscenities! Hilarious Pigs! Social Commentary! Killer Lobster Woman! Oppression! Demons! Help! How did we get here? AAAUUUUGGGH! NO SOLUTIONS ARE OFFERED AT THIS TIME IN THIS BOOK.

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