Category Archives: The Sometimes Too Graphic Art of Nitro von Borax
There’s a Chili Cookoff today at work! I get to eat NINE KINDS OF CHILI. Here’s my entry:
American Manifest DesChili:
Bison: Representing Native & Indigeneous Peoples & Wildlife
Beef: Representing… Cowboys
Diced Tomato: Representing Limited Individuation of State Autonomy
Crushed Tomato: Representing the Current State of US Politics
Fresh Tomato: Representing Refreshed Social Engagement
Red, Black & Pinto Beans: Representing Red, Black & Beige People
Irish Stout: Representing Irish Immigrants
French Roast Coffee: Represents the Louisiana Purchase
Apple Cider Vinegar: Represents Johnny Appleseed
Garlic: Represents Italian Immigrants
Spanish Onion: Represents Spanish-Speaking Peoples
Green, Yellow, Jalapeno, Habenero, Cayenne & Black Pepper to Represent John Quincy Adams, the 6th US President
Cilantro & Lime: Representing Asian Immigrants
Hot Smoked Paprika: Representing Hungarian Immigrants
Cumin: to Represent Cumin Rights for All Peoples
Frank’s Red Hot: to Represent the American Diner as the Apotheosis of American Culture
Q. What’s a twin’s favorite vegetable?
A. a Twocumber.
Q. What’s the Immigrant’s favorite vegetable?
A. a Newcumber.
Q. What’s a small Hawaiian guitarist’s favorite vegetable?
A. a Ukeumber.
Q. What’s a card player’s favorite vegetable?
A. a Euchrember.
Q. What’s a German Divebomber’s favorite vegetable?
A. a Stukamber.
Q. What’s an Australian’s favorite vegetable?
A. a Kookumbera.
Q. What’s a Ghost’s favorite vegetable?
A. a Spookumber.
A. What’s a Businessman’s favorite vegetable?
Q. a Luchrember.
Q. What’s the Pirates’ favorite vegetable?
A. a Crewcumber.
Q. What’s a Seeker’s favorite vegetable?
A. The Truecumber.
OK, So I was down south several months ago in Atlanta and incidentally I happened to share a cocktail- I think hers was blood- with the Horror Hostess Blair Bathory, of FEARHAUS, and, inspired by 1. Her encyclopedic knowledge of Argento films and 2. the use of the spelling “HAUS” in general, an artwork which she totally did not ask for occurred-
Scene 1: The super smart Government Agent examines the evidence, which he is totally smart enough to evaluate and come to conclusions from. It is evident that super intelligent terroristic organizations are super-secretly conspiring to do really amazingly astoundingly awful stuff; stuff that is even worse than the amazingly astoundingly awful stuff that the Government Agent’s Country does every single day in about twenty-four disadvantaged countries where they are right now doing stuff that is so awful that anybody would like puke if they heard about like the details of how nasty and specifically torturous the torture is.
Scene 2: the super intelligent and interesting terrorist has totally not always been poor and abused and had it demonstrated that nobody gives a shit about him or people that look like him. It’s just because he’s evil that he is planning a vague and diaphanous super-complicated evil plot with gas or bombs or something internety that you can’t hope to understand, but you’ll never have to worry about it because the super intelligent Government Agent will totally end up secretly foiling all those evil plans because he’s obviously super intelligenter than the terrorist.
Theme: The confluence of these two completely fictional constructs will provide a patently false but apparently plausible narrative & colorful distraction as simple morons take everything from most everybody and give it to some disgusting fuckers that will wank themselves endlessly while the whole world suffers.
$34,000 plus residuals OBO
Whoops, I did it again
Well, I like this painting better now.
Kukla, Frankenstein and Olives? The olives aren’t obvious, but that might have been where my subconscious was going.