Nitro’s Pulp Bookshelf in No Particular Order

Nitro’s Pulp Bookshelf in No Particular Order

Fig. 46: Tales for Salesmen

Tales4Salesmennvb

Nitro’s Note: This is a tedious collection of groaners and B-Level Celebrity bon mots from people like, I don’t know, Lady Forsythe Pendergripe and Noted Hillbilly Representative “Corncob” Skeeterpoon. But this book was also where I found my very favorite joke of 2014, which appears in modified form here. I just had to dig hard to get it-

Fig 45: The King’s Lust

nvbTheKingsLust

Nitro’s Note: This is actually a retelling of the Salome story. It’s Klassical Literature. I like the expressive type of the title! YAY LUST. Plus, I approve of ANYTHING set against a background of Roman Wickedness.

 

Fig. 44: Burial of the Fruit

BurialoftheFruitnvb

Nitro’s Note: Wait, those are Teenage Brooklyn Gangsters? He looks like an aerospace engineer, and real Gangsters don’t have quilts. This one I can imagine a dialogue for, however:

Him: “Grr!”

Her: “Gasp!”

Fig 43: Shell Scott: Gat Heat

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Nitro’s Note: Shell Scott books are A-OK pulp, and “Gat Heat” is just a marvelous name for a book. This cover art could also be pressed into use to warn of the danger of slip-and-falls at your local municipal swimming pool

Fig. 42: Some Women Won’t Wait

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Nitro’s Note: Ah, the seventies, half-naked in appropriated tribal patterns, smokin’ and drinkin’ on wicker.

Fig. 41: Death on the Rocks

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Nitro’s Note: This tableau makes me happy but I do not believe those are real chinese characters

Fig. 40: Crows Can’t Count

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Nitro’s Note: Nice feet! I envy people who can draw feet.

Fig. 39: Midsummer Passion

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Nitro’s Note:  I can’t for the life of me imagine the conversation that these two are having, from the visual cues and their blasé expressions. This cover is so amazing and wrong

Fig 38: I’ll Get You Yet

I'llGetYouYetnvbI'llgetYouYetBCnvb

Nitro’s Note: This cover, with its lavish back cover illustrations, is a knockout. Nice foot!

I’m not very far into this book, but impressed by the detox method employed by the heroine: after being forcibly hooked on smack by mobsters, she strips herself naked (so her clothes will stay tidy) and locks herself in an abandoned stable out in the country,  to suffer withdrawal for 4 days. Once the monkey’s off her back, she picks the lock with a broken spur, eats some stolen raw bait and drinks a quart of milk & bourbon. Then she pretty much feels OK apparently

Fig. 37: The Sex Machine

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Nitro’s Note: 50 Million Men Can Totally Be Incorrect, if they were under the impression that this is a funny novel. It’s not. It certainly does not achieve “Zany.” It’s not barely prurient, either. Enough said.

 

Fig. 36: 13 French Street

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Nitro’s Note: A cautionary tale: Don’t go hangin’ out with your wife’s friend where evil dwelt!

Fig. 35: Man for Hire

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Nitro’s Note: A strange novel about an oddly hostile but unbeatable and frankly well-endowed veteran, picked up by an actress and brought to Hollywood where he has sex a lot, which makes him feel bad about himself until on the last 1/2 page he has a breakthrough and settles down with a totally hot screenwriter babe.

Fig 34: Me, Hood!

Me, Hood!

I read the caption, and I look at the picture, and I think, that’s funny, he doesn’t LOOK like a cop with a murder record.

 

Fig. 33: The Awful Egg (Doc Savage)

DocSavageAwfulEgg

“Dammit! I asked for SOFT-boiled! WAITRESS! Get your tail back over here!”

Nitro’s Note: Art by Bob Larkin, after the stylings of James Bama

  1. The guy who sells Doc Savage his shirts is a MILLIONAIRE by now
  2. Especially if he also sources Bruce Banner his shirts
  3. If you saw someone in real life with a widow’s peak that descended to right between their eyebrows, it’d be startling! I have for many years been waiting for body-modifiers to do more with hair transplants. Imagine a mohawk that starts at the tip of your nose and goes to the base of your spine
  4. Really, Doc Savage’s style is distinctive! Jodhpurs?
  5. Only Iggy Pop has more neck musculature.

. 32: Balzan of the Cat People

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Stay back or I shall strike you with my baton! IT DOTH STING SOMEWHAT!

Nitro’s Note:

    1. BALZAN! I see: like Tarzan, but ballzier.
    2. Question: Is there some kind of Fantasy-Action-Hero-Name-Generator? KARNOK! TOKNAN! BARFORK! HARSHO! KRUNKAN! RUBRIK! Because there should be.
    3. Seriously, what’s with the frolicking flat-tailed dragon? “Oh BALZAN! I wanna be your BESTEST FRIEND!” P.S. I hate dragons with insufficient wings.
    4. Let’s see if the back of the book gives us some insights:KMBT_C454e-20150909082216
    5. No, it just gets weirder. “Emblazon a path between hallucination and reality?” Like Tim Leary?
    6. I can’t help but wonder what technique “Orala” would employ to seduce BALZAN…
    7. Wait, so instead of a lame frolicking dragon, the artist could have painted a six-legged spider anthropoid? That’s a tragically squandered opportunity.
    8. I do like cats, but I have to say, “of the Cat People” just doesn’t deliver the formidable vs. “of the Apes.”

 

Fig. 31: Mexican Brown (The Penetrator)

The PENETRATOR

Nitro’s notes: As literate as The LAMINATOR!

From 1978 comes The Penetrator: Mike Hardin (SUBTLE!).This book is really poorly written, but I had to get it- because between Mike Hardin’s extremely tedious dangerous assignments he recuperates in a secret hideaway in a borax mine. Other observations:

  1. Boy, those guns are pointing everywhere. Not a sophisticated composition.
  2. The girl with the floppy neck in the trenchcoat and weird negligee has an itchy calf. Or she’s part flamingo.
  3. Lionel Derrick: Jeez, another implied erection? You got a problem, dude.

Fig. 30: Desire in the DUST

 

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She’s got a pailful o’ trouble for SOMEONE

I had to look up the movie: HOLY CRIPES it's RAYMOND BURR gets the pailful o' trouble, evidentlyNitro’s Note: I had to look up the movie: HOLY CRIPES it’s RAYMOND BURR gets the pailful o’ trouble, evidently

Fig. 29: Talk of the Town (Big Eyes)

Her Life to LIVE

She was the Talk of the Town, but then, they had a real paucity of conversational topics anywayNitro’s Note: Man, that’s livin’.

Nitro’s Note: Man, that’s livin’.

Art by the amazing Earle Bergey. This came out in 1951, the year before he died, and pulp and magazine covers were worse ever after. He gets so much redneck into this picture: A corncob pipe, a tin cup, a little brown jug, a plaid shirt, suspenders and overalls both, a harmonica… and then why is the disaffected & oblivious cheerful Greek Goddess cavorting with those dudes?

. 28: Circle of Desire

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Nitro’s Note:

  1. Do they really issue all sailors striped shirts? I have always wondered that.
  2. Q. Why doesn’t someone refill his glass? A. Because the bottle’s empty, too.
  3. Q. Do people really sit with hand in pocket? A. Not unless there’s something sneaky in the pocket.
  4. I like the color diagonal in this composition.Red, Blue, Yellow. Hot, Cool, Caution!

Fig. 27: The Burning Court

The Burning Court

Nitro’s note: “She worshipped evil and made murder her religion” -they say that like it’s a BAD thing. I’m trying to imagine the other steps in the dance she’s doing, and I can’t. Also confused about the low skull shelf. Might be on the corner of a coffee table?

Fig. 26: Too Many Cooks (Rex Stout)

Too Many COOKS

Nitro’s Notes: Nero Wolfe is not unduly startled when shot in the cheek in bed. It’s probably because of the lager he keeps handy on the nightstand.

P.S. is that a great keyhole logo or what?

KeyholeEYE

Fig. 26: The Big Kill

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Nitro’s notes: A first edition, no less. You know what’s great about Mickey Spillane?

1. His picture on the back of the book:

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If I’d taken that picture, I’d label it “A Stewbum with a Gun.” He’s clearly toothless, The shirt is ill advised, he holds the gun without any real conviction.

2. His Signature.

3. Sometimes his titles are pretty good

4. That’s about it.

Fig. 25: Modesty Blaise

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Nitro’s notes: Printed in 1966: She’s slightly younger than me. Merely $5.50 at Aunt Agatha’s. Peter O’Donnell was the writer of the Modesty Blaise comic strip, 1963-2001-  This novelization follows O’Donnell’s script of the movie Modesty Blaise (1966), which script was heavily, heavily doctored to be campier and all 1960’s weird.

He ended up writing 11 Modesty Blaise novels, a couple short story collections, and over 10,000 strips. Would be awesome except, rapey.

Fig. 24: The Gods of Mars

Gods&Warlords

Fig. 23: Thuvia, Maid of Mars

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Fig. 22: The Monster Men

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Fig. 21: The Iron Skull (The Avenger)

avenger iron skull

Fig. 20: The Monsters (Doc Savage)

doc savage monsters

James Bama cover. His Doc Savage never seems concerned, but probably constipated.

 

Fig. 19: The Monster Men

monster menerb

Nitro’s Notes: Amazing early Frazetta cover. Good book, too, (cough) Island of Dr. Moreau (cough).

In my humble opinion, Frank Frazetta did most of his best paintings for covers of Edgar Rice Burroughs books. Well, and some Conan. The later, more painterly ones for the Pellucidar and Warlord of Mars series are legendary- but I got this for just $3.50 the day before yesterday- the 1963 edition of  The Monster Men. It makes me happy.

 

Fig. 18. The Case of the Brazen Beauty

Case of the Brazen Beautynvb

Nitro’s Note:

  1. Q: How can you tell this is from 1973? A: CHIANTI
  2. From the Back Cover Blurb: “The D.O.A. Selby and Rayder found turned out to be a stab job.” OK, “STAB JOB” is NOT a real police term. Nice try, though.
  3. Awesome wicker hat echoes the Chianti Cozy
  4. What a fabulous window seat, to slouch against in your animal print bikini

Fig. 17. The Passionate Witch

ThePassionateWitch

Nitro’s Note:A lesser work by the dissolute 1930’sish author Thorne Smith, who also wrote “Topper” and “Night Life of the Gods” which are much better than this posthumously published (and “completed” by another writer) book.

It was kind of made into, or more, I would say, inspired,  “I Married a Witch” with Veronica Lake. Which kind of led to “Bell Book and Candle” which kind of led to “Bewitched” and all of those are pretty awesome.

Fig. 16. He Wouldn’t Kill Patience or Murder in the Zoo

he-wouldnt-kill-patience

Nitro’s Note: “Murder in the Zoo” was a better title than “He Wouldn’t Kill Patience” and they knew that so they just left it  the cover.

I can’t decide if she’s scared of the snake, or describing what she overheard Rhonda Perkins a-sayin’ to the Pastor down in the undercroft last shrove Thursday when Widder McFillips was a-lookin the other way

 

Fig. 15. The Transistor Girls

the-transistor-girlsNitro’s Note: The concept of “part-time prostitutes” just bothers me all over. Seriously, I appreciate the Art by Robert Maguire but I looked inside briefly and kind of wanted to glue all the pages together

Fig. 14. Big City Girl

big-city-girl

Nitro’s Notes: Purchased for 50 cents at Honest Injun’s Trading Post, in the UP. I did some minor cosmetic surgery to get her face unlined. Actually, I fix flaws, distort things and pump the colors around frequently, full disc.

Fig 13. The Golden Sorrow

the-golden-sorrow

Nitro’s Note: Just look at this shameless cad, if you can even bear it. A pinky ring, really? YOU’RE GOING TO MEET THE SAME PEOPLE WHEN YOU’RE ON THE WAY BACK DOWN, you dog.

Fig. 12. Dolls Are Deadly

dolls-are-deadly

Nitro’s Note: Wait- LOOK OUT MIKE! Is that a VOODOO PIN STICKING OUT OF A LEMON MERINGUE PIE way down at the bottom, cut off by the cover crop?

dolls-are-deadlydetail

DON’T EAT THE MERINGUE MIKE!!!

…seriously, they cropped out the titular Voodoo Doll, really? That’s how little the publishers cared about these pulp books in general and the cover art specifically.

 

Fig. 11. The Beach House

the-beach-house

Nitro’s Note: “A reckless blonde in a wide-open town.” The vice versa is implied, I think. But she looks more anesthetized, or petrified, than reckless. I prefer the totally different, smirky reckless blonde with the weird right arm on the back of the book. Totally not the same blonde though. Nice try, Popular GIANT.

the-beach-house-bc

Fig. 10. The April Robin Murders

April Robin Murders

Nitro’s Note: That is “April Robin” depicted. She’s outstanding in her field.

Really, a splendid and hilarious book, with the unwitting detectives Bingo Riggs and Handsome Kusak, stumbling through Hollywood and over bodies. Handsome Kusak has a photographic memory for things he’s read in magazines and is otherwise apparently dimmer than his easily-duped, entrepreneurial associate Bingo.

The bookseller admonished me to make sure to read this one because she knew I was buying it for the cover. She was right. I’m really enjoying it.

You totally can tell a book by its cover if you’re just interested in the cover itself alone though

Fig. 9. The Case of the Daring Decoy

DaringDecoy

Nitro’s Note: Two highball glasses? This is what happens when you fall down the 12 steps.

Fig 8. Stranger in Town

StrangerinTown

Nitro’s Note: Not a TERRIBLE Mike Shayne Mystery, although, spoiler, evil abortionists.

Mike Shayne, Miami P.I., has red hair and is therefore short-tempered, and he drinks cognac, which gives you differentiation in the bar scene. The broad depicted on the cover is described inside as having blonde ringlets, so it’s not a PERFECT representation for this book, but a pretty perfect cover for something.

Sample simile: “Hands the size of picnic hams” -bothers me because of ham/hand is slant-homonymous, but I appreciate how it doesn’t overshoot to Dinner-Ham-Sized Hands, which would be ridiculous.

Fig. 7. Slab Happy

Slab Happy

Nitro’s Note: Sample simile: “He had a size 20 neck, fists like large beef roasts, and arms like legs.”

Shell Scott, L.A. P.I., sure gets beat up a lot, acts like an haplessly oversexed Bichon Frise around beautiful Hollywood Starlets and engages in some Spillane-Level messy violence, but he’s a delightful cut-up:

Doctor Clark said, smiling, “Oh, you’re a doctor?”
“Not exactly.” I grinned. “Sometimes I patch up problems. But my operations are usually, well, sort of unusual. You might call me one of the unorthodocs.”

HA!

I haven’t yet come to the scene where the 70’s girl in the bikini perches on the coffin with a machine gun, but I am looking forward to it. That kind of iconic scene is what sells 40 million books

Fig. 6. The Case of the Sun Bather’s Diary

sunbather'sdiary

Nitro’s Note: Pretty dark for sunbathing, isn’t it? Lost in the 1950’s collage-style forest, nude but for a red book (Jungian reference). Great Cardinal logo, too.

I wish they hadn’t kneecapped her with the byline.

Fig 5. The Life and Times of the Shmoo

Nitro’s Note: This book was pressed repeatedly into service (This edition is like the seventh printing within 2 years) when the Great Shmoo Craze of the late 1940’s was at its apex, and before my friend Laurel’s Grandfather was left with hundreds of unsaleable plaster Shmoos, which he abandoned in an attic in Royal Oak, MI. I like to think they’re still standing there…

Shmoobook

Al Capp was the evil genius behind the Shmoo, who live to serve mankind, to serve mankind joyfully of their own delicious little bodies,  which when flambéed taste like fugu and when spatchcocked taste like heritage ptarmigan.

This specific book is a cynical,  horrible pastiche of excerpted drawings ripped from the strip, thinly linked with a halfassed written narrative. featuring distracting construction-paper colored margins and backgrounds. Frank Frazetta was Al Capp’s ghost artist, so there’s that, sometimes. And the cover itself is delightful.

ShmooGuard

 

Fig 4.The case of the Cautious Coquette

Cautious Coquette

Nitro’s Note: I liked this cover so much I had to fotoshoppe out the text, frame & hang it in the (gun) powder room.

Cautious CoquetteArt

Fig. 3: Ashenden the British Agent

Nitro’s Note: 60 cents. (sigh) In 1970 the minimum wage was $1.60 and you could buy this and a dozen eggs and a gallon of gas with that.

The minimum wage today is $7.25, and the average paperback retails around $13.95

That having been said, Ashenden is an exceedingly unimpressive Agent: It’s all haw-haw and jolly good fun having cocktails with Nazis, and I don’t think there’s a shark or a fistfight in the whole novel.

Ashendon

Here’s the great thing about the above art: It’s a spiced up version of the below composition, which I found on the interwebs-  targeted to better entice the the American audience, where women wear purple swimsuits with cummerbunds more often than in Britain.

ashenden

Fig. 2: Death of a Citizen

DeathofaCitizen

Nitro’s Note: A pleasantly cartoony cover: reminds me of Alex Toth.
Figure 1: Resort Girls:

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Resort Girls- Nitro’s Note: Yes, I buy them for the cover art, primarily. I have to confess that I can rarely read books like this particular one  because they’re too chock full o’ full of repressed and ugly sexuality, but it is delightful the way that erogenous zones are sharply demarcated by the censors: This 1964 novel, wherein you are forbidden to describe or imply any genitalia, has a sex scene every 3.2 pages, and therefore has an exhaustive approximate 2,734,045 adjectives and verbs for breasts.

ResortGirlsBC

 

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