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This Pig Will Eat the Poor Kids Lunch

It’s interesting how little empathy we expect of people in general, maybe, but especially elected officials. It’s interesting how an ordinary wanker like D. Trump, a fat imbecile nourished for his entire life on corporate welfare, isn’t excoriated, if not to say tar-and-feathered, for proposing that more senior citizens and children should starve in the United States.

The meager federal benefits available to truly needy people, despite being neoliberally curtailed under previous administrations, are once again under attack, this time by a man whose family should reap billions of dollars in tax benefits from the same budget he proposes. Is that a problem?
Should this budget be passed, Ivanka Trump will literally able to afford more mink toilet paper that she will have paid for by not giving some poor kids some vegetables (as the U.S. throws away 40% of the food we produce). Is that OK?

Tell me: how do these monsters sleep at night, really? Is it really heavy pharmaceuticals or something? Because I’d be bothered. But I don’t see any evidence that the lack of empathy isn’t because everyone in the Trump family isn’t simply like, IQ 50-71. As I understand Occam’s Razor, that’s probably the explanation. I’m surprised how few people in the press have caught on, but the press hasn’t been very smart recently either.

It’s an ugly stupid budget full of stupid ugly all over but let’s talk about just 2 points of federal food assistance:

“The Budget also proposes to re-balance the Federal/State partnership in SNAP benefits
to low-income households by gradually establishing a State match for benefit costs, phasing in from a national average of 10 percent in 2020 to 25 percent, on average by 2023″

That’s what’s known as abdication; failure to fulfill a responsibility or duty. That means, within a decade, in spite of a growing population, the Federal Government gives $191,000,000,000 less in food support to needy individuals. Maybe the States will feed some of those people instead. Who knows? Probably not.
The budget will also consider “new flexibilities to allow States to establish locally appropriate benefit levels.” That sentence is a small car full of clowns, right there.

Here’s a second winning proposition: Do you own a grocery store? Would you like to accept SNAP, so that low-income people have a way to purchase your products? The proposed budget will charge businesses a periodic SNAP acceptance “authorization/reauthorization fee…ranging from $250 for the smallest firms, such as small convenience stores, to as much as $20,000 for the largest retailers, such as super-centers and large supermarket chains. Retailers would pay the fee each time they are authorized or reauthorized.”

Nice! That’s a special fee on just those businesses that serve poor people.

OK, one more thing. He’d also like to cap food benefits regardless of family size. You ended up with eight kids after your sister & husband died and your abusive spouse left his exes’ kids with you? You can have the same amount of food as a family of six.

Sure, this is just the proposed budget. These are bargaining chips, this is just a threat, these are just the dreams of a pig, and a nightmare for his favorite targets: defenseless people, abandoned by the country they built, hard-working people who simply can’t afford the price of government advocates in this stinkin’ plutocracy.

Did I mention that the budget has a $52,800,000,000 increase in defense spending for 2018? Priorities: Luxuries for the loaded, not produce for the poor. Endless bombs, no bread.








Trumpets: Collect ’em ALL. fig 3: Edward Scott Pruitt


Trumpets: Collect ’em ALL. fig.2: Rex Wayne Tillerson


Trumpets: Collect ’em ALL. fig.1: Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III

Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Chuck Grassley Meets With Attorney General Nominee Jeff Sessions

“Oh Beauregard! Come here, Boy!”

Jefferson B.S.3, from Alabama, has an impressively loathsome record of legislation . But why bother listening to me about him, when you can hear what Coretta Scott King said about him the last time someone attempted to appoint this cracker: Read PDF below.


Hail to the Pig

Wow, look what we’ve done.

Inauguration day, eh? Wow. I am sorry not to be there in D.C. with my friends and coworkers on this dishistoric day, for the protests. I am particularly sorry to not be passing out stickers with my pal from, who made this terrific quiz, helpful for history students.

Wow! It’s nice to know that that any boy can grow up to be president regardless of qualifications, in a way- it’s kind of like that ol’ American Myth they tell us in school where the U.S. is a “Democracy;” that fairy story wherein “anyone-can-be-president.” Truth, you don’t need qualifications, compassion, you don’t need brains, (like Reagan and GWB didn’t sort that out for us already) you don’t need education. You just need money, and finally, finally, we have incontrovertible proof of that, boy.

I do wish decency was required. Have we no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have we left no sense of decency? I’ve met lots of dudes like Donald. I’ve had the privilege to poke a number of them in the snoot. I’ve had them as bosses, I’ve had them as employees,  I’ve had them as coworkers, I’ve seen them at bars and weddings, I knew some at school, and they suck everywhere, because they are of that category of animals that believe some animals are more equal than others. Simple sociopathic individuals that consider themselves first, and always apart from whole categories of people- women, muslims, black people, Jews, gays… and they roll up those pigeonholed people in pigblankets of disrespect while wallowing in their own undeserved entitlement. These individuals accomplish less than nothing in this world, and drag us all down. It’s gross.

I want to point out- if we expect to keep promoting that fanciful American Democracy façade, against all evidence, which promulgation apparently leaves even adults in the U.S. thinking that the popular vote means something about who’s elected, it would be helpful for our underpaid teachers if voters would provide them with presidents elected without direct corporate funding, presidents unwilling to compromise on human rights, presidents who put workers ahead of CEOS, homeowners ahead of banks, people ahead of profit, even presidents that are women… well, any such president would lend some credence to the story. It’s a stupid story full of obvious lies when you tell it after you elect a fathead like Li’l Donald (and he betrays your protest vote with a cabinet of kleptocrats).

Wow, is the system ever broke. The two parties blew us up real good, U.S.A.

The center cannot hold. The left must rise. Start digging trenches, people, and kick some pig ass for us in Washington.


Cruella DeVos

The Orangutan-in-Chief’s pick for Secretary of Education? An original Michigan Monster. In charge of National Education Policy, equipped with a whole bachelor’s degree in business administration and political science from Calvin College, and highly skilled by marrying a guy who inherited gut-buckets of money from his dad’s low-quality household chemicals direct sale pyramid scheme ,  Betsy is looking to go national with her demonstrably catastrophic work allocating education and education funds to wealthy white people, mostly.

Unaccountable, for-profit charter schools provide lots of exciting, creative opportunities for Betsy’s wealthy friends to take money that would otherwise be wasted on teaching poor children. That’s good for business!

I do believe in small schools, and I do believe in schools of choice – sounds nice, right? Probably means that the kids in Detroit get bused, for free, with snacks, to the same schools that Betsy’s friends’ kids attend (she home-schooled her own kids, because, obviously, she hates school) But that’s not what it means. That’s not what it’s all about.

Here’s what it means for Detroit.

Why would you give the important job of Sec. of Ed. to this bigoted creep? It’s not complicated – you do it because you’re hoping she’ll help you steal money from people who can’t defend themselves, like the Repiglicans in Michigan steal money all the time. Pure Michigan Kleptocracy. From seniors, through more taxes and less deductions for individuals, from the working poor, by fraud, whatever.


It’s so transparent, too. Here in MI, the shift of funding from public schools simply means that our poor urban or rural students get no education. The money is taken from public schools and given to opaque private entities who are held to no educational standards, so their students don’t necessarily get education either- but even if they do, you won’t find those for-profit schools and other charters that drain money from the public located in poor areas; those children have no “schools of choice”. They get left disintegrating, poisonous buildings and dwindling teachers, who get their pay cut and withheld. The poor have no advocate, and the kleptocrats have quit even PRETENDING to be decent human beings. Fascinating times.

Here’s the hilarious thing: Betsy DeVos can’t even honestly buy her way into a position for which she is utterly unqualified. That’s pretty sad. And, her appointment? Well, cruel.


Cruella DeVos, Cruella DeVos,
The rights of the children are sold off or lost,
Her salad of money is gleefully tossed,
Cruella, Cruella DeVos…

Press Release: Corporko Inporcorated Pilots New CFLSNGMOO Employee Model

Corporko Inporcorated, one of the five parent companies that own you and everything you’ve never known or imagined, has adopted a groundbreaking business strategy that may be providing a distinctive market advantage over the other four megaconglomerates that own you and everything you’ve never known or imagined. Corporko’s stocks are through the roof, boosted by a groundswell of consumer support, following the announcement that all of Corporko’s nuclear steamships, abbatoirs, chemical trash incinerators, carbonated corn soda factories, widget firms, pharmaceutical pushers,  financial obfuscation firms, Roller-Phood factories, shell companies, nearly-realistic media outlets and synthetic yogurt stands were going to be staffed with only only cage-free, locally-sourced, non-GMO, organic employees.

As the term “cage-free, locally-sourced, non-GMO, organic employees” is completely devoid of literal regulatory meaning, this move was not as dramatic as it might seem- pay was increased to allow employees to attain a standard of living slightly in excess of that required for bare subsistence, egregious physical or sexual abuse was discouraged, some additional vegetables were provided, and employees were required to sign an agreement not to allow mad scientists to experiment on them so they could grow tentacles or whatever. Employees have verified that they no longer have to be in the cage all weekend.

“Nobody was more surprised than I when people started buying our worthless consumer goods, instead of the competitor’s completely identical worthless consumer goods, just because we quit torturing third-world children and demolishing the middle class in the U.S.” said Beelzebub O’Satan, CEO of Corporko, “It had long been Corporko’s corporate strategy to assure that our employees were at all times on the brink of physical and emotional collapse, and unable to provide basic necessities of life for themselves or the children, in the understanding that this would spur them to improved work performance. This strategy, while morally gratifying to those us who enjoy seeing lower life forms writhe in agony while we lounge in silken robes and indulge debauched appetites, has proven ineffective for long term growth. For one thing, few of our employees could even afford our Roller Phood until we increased the baseline pay.”

The ability of employees to actually purchase the goods and services that they provide does provide a  minor boost to Corporko’s bottom line, but the primary vertical profit source is from sanctimonious entitled faux-liberal precious twits like Lotus Aishwarya O’Malley, a celebrity phrenologist that we interviewed at one of Corporko’s  Ayurvedic Vaping stands. “Cage-free, locally-sourced, non-GMO, organic employees are important to my practice of appearing human. When I pretend that I really care about things like Carlos here,” Ms. O’Malley said, gesturing towards the Vaperista, “it gives me the affirmation that I need to continue in my useless life of self-examination and elaborate onanistic indulgences. Paying a little extra to have this kind of apparent ethical high ground additionally gives me improved social traction when I gather to gloat about my magical life of undeserved successes with similar powerful, wealthy wankers, who, like me, mostly inherited their money or sometimes stole it.”

Rumors are that other megaconglomerates are looking at Corporko’s strategy with interest, as industry analysts project that, absent some thin veneer of social responsibility and engagement from the ruling classes, the entire flimsy facade of wealth and power may be endangered. UniBloat’S CEO, Torquemada MacAzrael, commented, “Sure, sometimes when I sit at home in my walled estate, enjoying some hookers while counting my gold coins, guarded though I am by robot machine-gun dogs and heat-seeking  drones, I do feel a little like a wicked anthropophagist living in a house made of candy, with 7.4 billion hungry Hansels and Gretels emerging from the woods. It can be unsettling to worry that all the human pain and suffering that I’m responsible for might somehow result in a less-than optimal outcome for me personally. But paying workers fairly is cost-prohibitive, especially if you want to maintain the important advances we’ve seen in executive pay. The question is whether I can afford to let go of even a little of the wealth and luxury that I deserve, as a man who has wealth and luxury, to afford the unwashed masses some modicum of dignity and hope. I’m inclined to doubt it, but if Corporko continues to sell more worthless consumer goods than my identical companies, well, we’ll do anything for money. Anything, do you hear me?”




The Monster Squad

To be clear, the President-Elect is not assembling a cabinet; it’s more like a team of supervillains.  Morons, toadies, gluttons, sociopaths, thieves and ravagers. Destroyers, cynically poised in the positions where they’ll do the most harm. Traitors to civilization. Betrayers of humanity. Loathesome, crawling things that stink of decay. Welcome to the Plutocracy, unfettered at last.


I’d like to think we’re better than this, but significant evidence points to the contrary. It’s past time to quit pretending we don’t live in a house possessed of evil spirits, with a basement full of hungry zombies.  This country is lousy with monsters, and we have to light up the pitchforks, load the silver bullets and sharpen the stakes.

In the meantime, let’s listen to W.B. Yeats for a minute:

The Second Coming
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

…but then, I am given to hyperbole.

I do understand that the depicted supervillains aren’t the actual eventual Injustice League that the Ordinary-Fathead-in-Command will assemble. Politics and the nomination and approval process will demand that he switch out Bizarro for Ernst Stavro Blofeld, Cruella DeVil for  for Leatherface. But look: all of them are intended not to fill offices but dismantle them. It’s a wrecking crew.

It’s a clear message to the desperate, disenfranchised, sometimes despicable and mostly really stupid U.S. voters that chose to vote for Repiglicans, of all things: A message that those Repiglicans embrace the decline of the last 40 years, where  moderate social progressiveness had to be traded for a fiscally disempowered and diseducated populace, and now privatization of public property and institutions accelerates, although demonstrably ruinous and ineffective, and third-world wage slavery, unregulated surveillance, and endless war against imaginary opponents are the new normal, where personality makes policy opaque, where you’re in for-profit jail and your grandma has to stock produce at the Walmart until she drops dead at 87 and your kids look delicious to the decadent gilded pigs in their golden tanks.

But then, I am given to hyperbole

Corporkorate Martini Fiesta!

Well, that's a revolting spectacle, isn't it? Somebody should do something about it.

Well, that’s a revolting spectacle, now isn’t it? Somebody really should do something about it

Autosarcophagy Fig. 5: Ham Heaven

Ham Heaven, in Ferndale. Out of business, now. But boy, did the pigs ever love being slaughtered and eaten at  Ham Heaven.

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