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Moist Towelette Album Cover #8: Victoria Bay

Disastrous 8th album release of Moist Towelette, featuring MT’s electronic bagpipe drone-dirge anthem “Victoria Bay,” reputed to be 39.5 minutes long, although no listener can be found willing to sit through and verify the full duration.

Also featured on this album were the lesser-known, less excruciating but just-as-unpopular songs:

“Saturated”
“Reorder Number One-Seven-Eight-Oh-Four-Oh”
“Quality Products”
“Mildy Fragrant (That’s My Mildred)”
“For Everyday Needs”
“Office, Recreational, Travel, Camping & Home Use (AKA O-R-T-C & H use!)”
“Like a Folded Napkin”
“Made in Totawa, New Jersey”

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Moist Towelette Album Cover # 7: “Freshette”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #6: “Fresh Nap”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #5: “IF YOUR HANDS ARE CLEAN”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #4: “Royal Fingerbowl”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #3: “American Towelette”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #2: “Oo o”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #1: The eponymous album

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Most Towelette Album Cover #7: Freshette

Really, not their 7th album, but a reworked collection of unreleased TRIAD Label singles from Moist Towelette band members in various configurations before they got their big break playing at Pastor Frickin’s Quick ‘n’ Kickin’ Chicken with a  Stick In franchise locations in the Quint-City region of East Dakota.

This cynical rerelease features the below unpopular singles, remixed with intrusive 120BPM programmed drums and overdubbed millennial whoops:

“Freshette Up!”
“Hands & Face as Needed”
“You’ll Find Me: Pre-Moistened”
“Cat Number Ten-Fifty-Three Hundred”
“Gentle-to the Skin”
“Tear Here”

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Moist Towelette Album Cover #6: “Fresh Nap”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #5: “IF YOUR HANDS ARE CLEAN”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #4: “Royal Fingerbowl”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #3: “American Towelette”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #2: “Oo o”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #1: The eponymous album

 

 

 

 

 

 

Moist Towelette Album Cover 6: FRESH NAP

moist-towelette-FRESH NAP

This surprisingly upbeat Moist Towelette album from 2007 was recorded entirely in an abbatoir in Uzbekistan. Band members wore special designer feathered unitards for all sessions, which was, by all accounts, tickly. Features songs:

“Towelette Me In”
“Kari-Out Company”
“Drive-Thru Windows of my Soul”
“Fresh Nap!”
“Moist of the Time”

Moist Towelette Album Cover #5: “IF YOUR HANDS ARE CLEAN”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #4: “Royal Fingerbowl”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #3: “American Towelette”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #2: “Oo o”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #1: The eponymous album

Moist Towelette Album Cover 5: IF YOUR HANDS ARE CLEAN

After 4 albums of disappointing record sales, we reach Moist Towelette’s Anti-Corporate Manifesto “IF YOUR HANDS ARE CLEAN” (2007). The stark stupid-looking apple logo insults both record labels and computer companies, suspended on a dingy background, subtly labeled with a small “SM:” Draw your own conclusions.

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Flip Side:

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Includes the scathing songs:

“IF YOUR HANDS ARE CLEAN (you’re doing it wrong)”
“Self Dries in Seconds”
“Hygiene Simmons of KISS”
“Tear Packet”
“O My Napkindred”

Moist Towelette Album Cover #4: “Royal Fingerbowl”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #3: “American Towelette”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #2: “Oo o”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #1: The eponymous album

 

 

 

 

 

 

Moist Towelette Poster, Circa 1991

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Moist Towelette Album Cover #3: “American Towelette”

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Released in 2002, Moist Towelette’s 3rd album: “American Towelette:” imagery a pathetic attempt to ride the misguided pseudopatriotic wave following 9.11.2001

Featuring anthemic songs:

“American Towelette”
“Wipe It Up”
“No Mo’ Sticky Fingers”
“Ham Sanitizer”

Moist Towelette Album Cover #2: “Oo o”
Moist Towelette Album Cover #1: The eponymous album

There is, or was,  in fact, a J-Pop band called “the Moist Towelettes” – but they do not seem to have taken advantage of the brilliant album artwork already by provided by  the various companies that produce these miniature masterpieces of sanitary art…

Moist Towelette: Album #1: “Moist Towelette”

Album Cover for the electronica band “Moist Towelette,” debut 1991.

Track listing:

1. “Alcohol Wipe!”

2. “(Woke up from my) Wet Nap!”

3. “Insanitizer!”

…well, it SHOULD be an album cover.

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