“Oh Beauregard! Come here, Boy!”
Jefferson B.S.3, from Alabama, has an impressively loathsome record of legislation . But why bother listening to me about him, when you can hear what Coretta Scott King said about him the last time someone attempted to appoint this cracker: Read PDF below.
Scientists create human-pig embryos . It would appear that the new administration, comfortable & secure with their incoming reign of horror, is finally allowing the sheet to be lifted on the secret anthropophagic plans that I exposed seven years ago, during the despotic rule of the second Bush, in my roman à clef Piggleyland.
Now discounted because you should also know about the Nazi Clown Phenomenon, Mexican Viagra & Personal Hams
Wow, look what we’ve done.
Inauguration day, eh? Wow. I am sorry not to be there in D.C. with my friends and coworkers on this dishistoric day, for the protests. I am particularly sorry to not be passing out stickers with my pal from sexistpig.us, who made this terrific quiz, helpful for history students.
Wow! It’s nice to know that that any boy can grow up to be president regardless of qualifications, in a way- it’s kind of like that ol’ American Myth they tell us in school where the U.S. is a “Democracy;” that fairy story wherein “anyone-can-be-president.” Truth, you don’t need qualifications, compassion, you don’t need brains, (like Reagan and GWB didn’t sort that out for us already) you don’t need education. You just need money, and finally, finally, we have incontrovertible proof of that, boy.
I do wish decency was required. Have we no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have we left no sense of decency? I’ve met lots of dudes like Donald. I’ve had the privilege to poke a number of them in the snoot. I’ve had them as bosses, I’ve had them as employees, I’ve had them as coworkers, I’ve seen them at bars and weddings, I knew some at school, and they suck everywhere, because they are of that category of animals that believe some animals are more equal than others. Simple sociopathic individuals that consider themselves first, and always apart from whole categories of people- women, muslims, black people, Jews, gays… and they roll up those pigeonholed people in pigblankets of disrespect while wallowing in their own undeserved entitlement. These individuals accomplish less than nothing in this world, and drag us all down. It’s gross.
I want to point out- if we expect to keep promoting that fanciful American Democracy façade, against all evidence, which promulgation apparently leaves even adults in the U.S. thinking that the popular vote means something about who’s elected, it would be helpful for our underpaid teachers if voters would provide them with presidents elected without direct corporate funding, presidents unwilling to compromise on human rights, presidents who put workers ahead of CEOS, homeowners ahead of banks, people ahead of profit, even presidents that are women… well, any such president would lend some credence to the story. It’s a stupid story full of obvious lies when you tell it after you elect a fathead like Li’l Donald (and he betrays your protest vote with a cabinet of kleptocrats).
Wow, is the system ever broke. The two parties blew us up real good, U.S.A.
The center cannot hold. The left must rise. Start digging trenches, people, and kick some pig ass for us in Washington.
The Orangutan-in-Chief’s pick for Secretary of Education? An original Michigan Monster. In charge of National Education Policy, equipped with a whole bachelor’s degree in business administration and political science from Calvin College, and highly skilled by marrying a guy who inherited gut-buckets of money from his dad’s low-quality household chemicals direct sale pyramid scheme , Betsy is looking to go national with her demonstrably catastrophic work allocating education and education funds to wealthy white people, mostly.
Unaccountable, for-profit charter schools provide lots of exciting, creative opportunities for Betsy’s wealthy friends to take money that would otherwise be wasted on teaching poor children. That’s good for business!
I do believe in small schools, and I do believe in schools of choice – sounds nice, right? Probably means that the kids in Detroit get bused, for free, with snacks, to the same schools that Betsy’s friends’ kids attend (she home-schooled her own kids, because, obviously, she hates school) But that’s not what it means. That’s not what it’s all about.
Why would you give the important job of Sec. of Ed. to this bigoted creep? It’s not complicated – you do it because you’re hoping she’ll help you steal money from people who can’t defend themselves, like the Repiglicans in Michigan steal money all the time. Pure Michigan Kleptocracy. From seniors, through more taxes and less deductions for individuals, from the working poor, by fraud, whatever.
It’s so transparent, too. Here in MI, the shift of funding from public schools simply means that our poor urban or rural students get no education. The money is taken from public schools and given to opaque private entities who are held to no educational standards, so their students don’t necessarily get education either- but even if they do, you won’t find those for-profit schools and other charters that drain money from the public located in poor areas; those children have no “schools of choice”. They get left disintegrating, poisonous buildings and dwindling teachers, who get their pay cut and withheld. The poor have no advocate, and the kleptocrats have quit even PRETENDING to be decent human beings. Fascinating times.
Here’s the hilarious thing: Betsy DeVos can’t even honestly buy her way into a position for which she is utterly unqualified. That’s pretty sad. And, her appointment? Well, cruel.
Cruella DeVos, Cruella DeVos,
The rights of the children are sold off or lost,
Her salad of money is gleefully tossed,
Cruella, Cruella DeVos…
I’ve been greatly gratified at the purchases by my friends of my recent book “A Slim Volume of Worse” . Also for people historically willing to immerse themselves in Piggleyland’s dysphoric text. And as always, for those who purchase Exquisite von Borax Prints on Paper or Canvas from Imagekind and Stunning von Borax Cards and T-shirts from Zazzle.
I am keeping a list, and the terrible things I threatened probably won’t happen to you people, now.
“A Slim Volume of Worse” compiles poems, correspondences, and short expository prose pieces of a satirical nature. I guess. Selected works have frequently appeared for free as a public service here on nitrovonborax.com, and now here they are in their final, polished form: as a handsome adornment to your erudite bookshelf, I offer 233 pages of dysphoric hilarity, 36,629 words, for money. Please buy 1 copy for every friend you have, and 2 for each enemy.
What’s in it?
82 Heart-Healthy Ingredients:
- My Doctor Sucks.
- The Visitation
- Work Diary Day 89,237
- Internet Proposition 3,496
- The Cap’n’s Wafers
- Weird Dream
- The Amazon’s Mouth
- Parent Diary Day 1,243
- The Druid
- My Evil Twin
- Intellectual Property 4,215: The Family Tub
- Please Don’t Kill Us, Phyllis
- Feel Kinda Weird, for Some Reason
- Stolen Fruits
- The New Equipment
- Internet Proposition 5,214
- The Lament of the Spoons
- Southside Restaurant Review #1
- Murgatroyd’s Edible Hats
- Internet Proposition 7,298
- There is a Man
- Intellectual Property 5, 222: LatteBucket
- Spacegirl & Caveman
- Internet Proposition 12,651
- Wayne Upon the Wooftop
- So Here I Sit
- Intellectual Property 6,534: Hospicetarian
- Fat Ass on Couch
- Intellectual Property 7,110: Clown Porn
- In Solemn Tribute to the Tortured and Exploited Action Figures of My Youth
- Squidboy on the Ceiling
- Every Creeping Thing
- Dream Diary Entry 3,217
- From the 34th Floor
- Disappointing and Creepy
- Intellectual Property 9,937: PorFu
- What God Likes
- Intellectual Property 11,279: 7 People 1 Bathroom
- Intellectual Property 24,005: Correspondence 2,146
- Correspondence 4,111
- Not My Friend
- The Cereal Killer’s Interior Monologue
- My Children Hate Dinner
- The Way it Ends
- Intellectual Property 25,011: The Kreekside Grille Jingle
- Home Improvement Diary
- Ready for Action
- Ones and Zeroes
- Captain Sugarbeard
- Internet Proposition 87,433
- Dig that Giant Clam
- Parent Diary Day 3,218
- Work Diary Day 23,674
- Dance of the Jungle Girl
- Intellectual Property 32,323: Hobo Couture
- Vomit Boy
- Southside Restaurant Review #2
- She Found her Ex-Boyfriend’s Paintbrush
- Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter
- My Mistake
- Get ‘em While They’re Hot
- 2 Similes and a Metaphor
- Gas Station Rose
- Internet Proposition 88,766
- Mechanically Separated Human
- LAND OF THE GIANTS
- Her Watery Lair
- Notes from the Whine Cellar
- A Pirate Poem
- Rodent Station Number 9
Isn’t that enough for you, already? I should rather think it should be.
(Piggleyland’s still available, too)
Q: How do you explain the first pig in line at the slaughterhouse?
A: Simple hambition