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Trumpets: Collect ’em ALL. fig.1: Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III

Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Chuck Grassley Meets With Attorney General Nominee Jeff Sessions

“Oh Beauregard! Come here, Boy!”

Jefferson B.S.3, from Alabama, has an impressively loathsome record of legislation . But why bother listening to me about him, when you can hear what Coretta Scott King said about him the last time someone attempted to appoint this cracker: Read PDF below.

338729117-scott-king-1986-letter-and-testimony-signed

I Hate to Say I Told You So

Scientists create human-pig embryos . It  would appear that the new administration, comfortable & secure with their incoming reign of horror, is finally allowing the sheet to be lifted on the secret anthropophagic plans that I exposed seven years ago, during the despotic rule of the second Bush, in my roman à clef Piggleyland. 

Now discounted because you should also know about the Nazi Clown Phenomenon, Mexican Viagra & Personal Hams

piggleycover1

 

Hail to the Pig

Wow, look what we’ve done.

Inauguration day, eh? Wow. I am sorry not to be there in D.C. with my friends and coworkers on this dishistoric day, for the protests. I am particularly sorry to not be passing out stickers with my pal from sexistpig.us, who made this terrific quiz, helpful for history students.

Wow! It’s nice to know that that any boy can grow up to be president regardless of qualifications, in a way- it’s kind of like that ol’ American Myth they tell us in school where the U.S. is a “Democracy;” that fairy story wherein “anyone-can-be-president.” Truth, you don’t need qualifications, compassion, you don’t need brains, (like Reagan and GWB didn’t sort that out for us already) you don’t need education. You just need money, and finally, finally, we have incontrovertible proof of that, boy.

I do wish decency was required. Have we no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have we left no sense of decency? I’ve met lots of dudes like Donald. I’ve had the privilege to poke a number of them in the snoot. I’ve had them as bosses, I’ve had them as employees,  I’ve had them as coworkers, I’ve seen them at bars and weddings, I knew some at school, and they suck everywhere, because they are of that category of animals that believe some animals are more equal than others. Simple sociopathic individuals that consider themselves first, and always apart from whole categories of people- women, muslims, black people, Jews, gays… and they roll up those pigeonholed people in pigblankets of disrespect while wallowing in their own undeserved entitlement. These individuals accomplish less than nothing in this world, and drag us all down. It’s gross.

I want to point out- if we expect to keep promoting that fanciful American Democracy façade, against all evidence, which promulgation apparently leaves even adults in the U.S. thinking that the popular vote means something about who’s elected, it would be helpful for our underpaid teachers if voters would provide them with presidents elected without direct corporate funding, presidents unwilling to compromise on human rights, presidents who put workers ahead of CEOS, homeowners ahead of banks, people ahead of profit, even presidents that are women… well, any such president would lend some credence to the story. It’s a stupid story full of obvious lies when you tell it after you elect a fathead like Li’l Donald (and he betrays your protest vote with a cabinet of kleptocrats).

Wow, is the system ever broke. The two parties blew us up real good, U.S.A.

The center cannot hold. The left must rise. Start digging trenches, people, and kick some pig ass for us in Washington.

FLAG

Cruella DeVos

The Orangutan-in-Chief’s pick for Secretary of Education? An original Michigan Monster. In charge of National Education Policy, equipped with a whole bachelor’s degree in business administration and political science from Calvin College, and highly skilled by marrying a guy who inherited gut-buckets of money from his dad’s low-quality household chemicals direct sale pyramid scheme ,  Betsy is looking to go national with her demonstrably catastrophic work allocating education and education funds to wealthy white people, mostly.

Unaccountable, for-profit charter schools provide lots of exciting, creative opportunities for Betsy’s wealthy friends to take money that would otherwise be wasted on teaching poor children. That’s good for business!

I do believe in small schools, and I do believe in schools of choice – sounds nice, right? Probably means that the kids in Detroit get bused, for free, with snacks, to the same schools that Betsy’s friends’ kids attend (she home-schooled her own kids, because, obviously, she hates school) But that’s not what it means. That’s not what it’s all about.

Here’s what it means for Detroit.

Why would you give the important job of Sec. of Ed. to this bigoted creep? It’s not complicated – you do it because you’re hoping she’ll help you steal money from people who can’t defend themselves, like the Repiglicans in Michigan steal money all the time. Pure Michigan Kleptocracy. From seniors, through more taxes and less deductions for individuals, from the working poor, by fraud, whatever.

Kleptocrats.

It’s so transparent, too. Here in MI, the shift of funding from public schools simply means that our poor urban or rural students get no education. The money is taken from public schools and given to opaque private entities who are held to no educational standards, so their students don’t necessarily get education either- but even if they do, you won’t find those for-profit schools and other charters that drain money from the public located in poor areas; those children have no “schools of choice”. They get left disintegrating, poisonous buildings and dwindling teachers, who get their pay cut and withheld. The poor have no advocate, and the kleptocrats have quit even PRETENDING to be decent human beings. Fascinating times.

Here’s the hilarious thing: Betsy DeVos can’t even honestly buy her way into a position for which she is utterly unqualified. That’s pretty sad. And, her appointment? Well, cruel.

cruella-devossmaller

Cruella DeVos, Cruella DeVos,
The rights of the children are sold off or lost,
Her salad of money is gleefully tossed,
Cruella, Cruella DeVos…

Betsy DeVos testifies before the Senate Health, Education and Labor Committee confirmation hearing

Betsy DeVos testifies before the Senate Health, Education and Labor Committee confirmation hearing to be next Secretary of Education on Capitol Hill in Washington, U.S., January 17, 2017. REUTERS/Yuri Gripas – RTSVZFM

Thanks & Salutations

I’ve been greatly gratified at the purchases by  my friends of my recent book “A Slim Volume of Worse” . Also for people historically willing to immerse themselves in Piggleyland’s  dysphoric text. And as always, for those who  purchase Exquisite von Borax Prints on Paper or Canvas from Imagekind and Stunning von Borax Cards and T-shirts from Zazzle.

I am keeping a list, and the terrible things I threatened probably won’t happen to you people, now.

washtenaw county poor house and insane asylum

Sorry, I Just Accidentally Published Another Book

“A Slim Volume of Worse” compiles poems, correspondences, and short expository prose pieces of a satirical nature. I guess. Selected works have frequently appeared for free as a public service here on nitrovonborax.com, and now here they are in their final, polished form: as a handsome adornment to your erudite bookshelf, I offer 233 pages of dysphoric hilarity, 36,629 words, for money. Please buy 1 copy for every friend you have, and 2 for each enemy.

ASVOW_cover

What’s in it?

82 Heart-Healthy Ingredients:

  1. My Doctor Sucks.
  2. The Visitation
  3. Work Diary Day 89,237
  4. Internet Proposition 3,496
  5. The Cap’n’s Wafers
  6. Weird Dream
  7. The Amazon’s Mouth
  8. Parent Diary Day 1,243
  9. The Druid
  10. My Evil Twin
  11. Intellectual Property 4,215: The Family Tub
  12. Please Don’t Kill Us, Phyllis
  13. Feel Kinda Weird, for Some Reason
  14. Stolen Fruits
  15. The New Equipment
  16. 734
  17. Internet Proposition 5,214
  18. The Lament of the Spoons
  19. Transformed
  20. Southside Restaurant Review #1
  21. Murgatroyd’s Edible Hats
  22. Internet Proposition 7,298
  23. There is a Man
  24. Intellectual Property 5, 222: LatteBucket
  25. Spacegirl & Caveman
  26. Internet Proposition 12,651
  27. Wayne Upon the Wooftop
  28. So Here I Sit
  29. Intellectual Property 6,534: Hospicetarian
  30. Fat Ass on Couch
  31. Anachro-Go-Go
  32. Vegetable
  33. Intellectual Property 7,110: Clown Porn
  34. In Solemn Tribute to the Tortured and Exploited Action Figures of My Youth
  35. Squidboy on the Ceiling
  36. Every Creeping Thing
  37. Dream Diary Entry 3,217
  38. From the 34th Floor
  39. Disappointing and Creepy
  40. Intellectual Property 9,937: PorFu
  41. What God Likes
  42. Intellectual Property 11,279: 7 People 1 Bathroom
  43. Intellectual Property 24,005: Correspondence 2,146
  44. Dog
  45. Correspondence 4,111
  46. Animal
  47. Drugs
  48. Not My Friend
  49. The Cereal Killer’s Interior Monologue
  50. Pharma-Go-Go
  51. Gramourous
  52. My Children Hate Dinner
  53. Omnivore
  54. The Way it Ends
  55. Intellectual Property 25,011: The Kreekside Grille Jingle
  56. Home Improvement Diary
  57. Ready for Action
  58. Ones and Zeroes
  59. Sightseeing
  60. Captain Sugarbeard
  61. Internet Proposition 87,433
  62. Dig that Giant Clam
  63. Parent Diary Day 3,218
  64. Work Diary Day 23,674
  65. Dance of the Jungle Girl
  66. Intellectual Property 32,323: Hobo Couture
  67. Vomit Boy
  68. Southside Restaurant Review #2
  69. She Found her Ex-Boyfriend’s Paintbrush
  70. Karp’s Scoop ‘n’ Bake Frozen Gourmet Muffin Batter
  71. My Mistake
  72. Get ‘em While They’re Hot
  73. 2 Similes and a Metaphor
  74. Gas Station Rose
  75. Internet Proposition 88,766
  76. Kuru
  77. Mechanically Separated Human
  78. LAND OF THE GIANTS
  79. Her Watery Lair
  80. Notes from the Whine Cellar
  81. A Pirate Poem
  82. Rodent Station Number 9

Isn’t that enough for you, already? I should rather think it should be.

(Piggleyland’s still available, too)

 

 

Incidentally,

Q: How do you explain the first pig in line at the slaughterhouse?

A: Simple hambition

For New York and Ferguson: The Throbbing Cop, Revisited

Design for Throbbing Cop Records circa 1994: Ink and Watercolor on Traffic Tickets.

nitrovonborax Throbbing Cop
…The Police Force looks more like this to the public all the time at the moment.

Autosarcophagy Fig. 5: Ham Heaven

Ham Heaven, in Ferndale. Out of business, now. But boy, did the pigs ever love being slaughtered and eaten at  Ham Heaven.

Autosarcophagy Fig. 3: Piggleyland

Cover art for Piggleyland. Pen & Ink, Photoshop color, lens flare to irritate Greg.

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